"Social anxiety disorder (SAD or SAnD) (DSM-IV 300.23), also known as social phobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear in social situations[1] causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. The diagnosis of social anxiety disorder can be of a specific disorder (when only some particular situations are feared) or a generalized disorder. Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, chronic fear of being judged by others and of being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, overcoming it can be quite difficult. Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing, sweating (hyperhidrosis), trembling, palpitations, nausea, and stammering often accompanied with rapid speech. Panic attacks may also occur under intense fear and discomfort" -Wikipedia
Now, this is a topic I am really iffy about throwing it out to the world, but I feel that many people who suffer from it, like I do, need to know there are other people out there who know what it's like.
Also, before anyone makes assumptions, you need to realize that this is not just shyness. I was shy up until about this grade eleven (last year), and that was all. But I have come to realize that I now have this disorder, and I have self-diagnosed it.
To add onto that, people must realize that this is not just something that can be overcome simply. Saying "Just get over it, talk to people" etc.. does not cut it. There is more to it than that.
Imagine being shy or humiliated, or feeling self-concious. Everyone feels like this sometimes, right? Right. But... imagine this exaggerated by 100x. All the time. 24/7. Always in constant fear of being judged, and looked down on, feeling like everything, and everyone is looking at you and making fun of you. Imagine it. Really try to. That's social anxiety.
Imagine sweating, blushing, shaking, etc.. happening almost everytime your in the public eye. Work, school, walking down the street. It never ends. Never. Until you are in your "safe place".
This is social anxiety.
Anyone at school, will know I am intensely shy. I don't talk, I don't bring attention to myself, nothing. People may notice I sweat a lot. This is my main symptom, annoying as it is. I sweat so much. Too much. I walk down a hall of people and I'm stressed and sweating. I hate it. But what can I do?
I didn't realize I had this disorder until last year. Although I was always shy, I would still go to school, make friends, generally be okay with people, regardless of shyness. I didn't feel like it was ruining my life, because I was getting along alright. I didn't have chronic fear of social situations.
When I entered grade eleven, this was becoming more evident. I started missing a lot of school, scared to go, scared to be judged, scared to be seen with something as innocent as a bad hair day, or acne. It was enough to make me stay home.
I've even failed classes due to social anxiety and my problems.
I had a class where my teacher was really intense, and I blushed so much, I started to avoid this class. I sweated, blushed, you name it. It became to much.
When I realized we needed to do a presentation, that was enough to make me say "screw it, i'm not going. I can't. Everyone will judge me, I'll blush, sweat, look like an idiot".
And so I did.
And I ended up getting a 57, although I was capable of so much more.
Second semester.
Two art classes.
Too nervous to use things, present my ideas. Once again, teachers intimidated me.
I failed these two art classes.
Now... I'm still struggling. Always have, hopefully always will not.
This is such a hard thing for me to live with. I just wish I could be "normal".
One of those people that doesn't go through 20 outfits before leaving the house because I'm scared I'll look too "stupid".
One of those people that can make friends easily, or at all.
One of those people who feels comfortable with themselves, at least to a degree.
One of those people who isn't afraid of getting a job.
One of those people who can take critisim.
One of those people that can take a negative comment, but not let it run through their minds for days, weeks, months.
What I'm trying to say it, next time you see a shy person, contemplate it. Maybe they suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder. Maybe they do not. You never know.
It is an extremely hard thing to live with. It's hard to leave the house most of the time.
It's hard to be a functioning member of society... school none the less.
It's something many people struggle with, and can be seriously damaging to a being if not treated.
I reccommend anyone who has it, or thinks they might, get a diagnosis. Although doctors sometimes do not think you are suffering from something, do what feels right. If you think you are, really try and get help, regardless of what people say. Sometimes others may not see it.
I have a long way to go, and this is something I deal with everyday. But know you are not alone.
I want to be able to look at myself ten years from now, and know I got over this. Know I can be in a relationship without ruining it and making excuses because of this anxiety. Know that I can hold down a job, and not be stressed to be there everyday. Know that I did it, that I overcame my demons.
It's a long road ahead, and I am far from healed now, but I know I can do it.
And so can you.
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